Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
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11:13 am
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When I cum on my own I fantasize about my boyfriend.. is that bad?
I see the porn he looks at.. No I don't mind that he looks at porn sometimes, though I am curious to see what it is that he would chose to look at..
And over and over it seems to be the same video of male stripper types fucking many random girls.
I hope that's not what turns him on, cause that's what I've feared the most... That nothing or no one can completely be enough for his sexual desires because his desires are only to fuck many random women..
I feel awful and unsexy and I'm both happy and unhappy that he will never read this. *sigh* :'(
current mood:  drunk
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Sunday, April 24th, 2005
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3:13 am
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I don't know what to do anymore..
what will become of this..my life.. and me?
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Thursday, September 16th, 2004
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4:42 pm
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ditto... it hurts.. but maybe someday we can stand each other and be friends again... it just takes time. True Love Always, You know how it goes. You be safe as well, and take care of yourself... I hope you find someone that you can take care of and love again.
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Sunday, August 3rd, 2003
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2:47 pm - You're so vain.
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Sunday, June 1st, 2003
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10:53 pm
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i dont think my dad wants me to get my license...
or at least the world doesnt.. it might be a while.. hopefully next wednesday but i wouldnt count on it.. erg. i want to drive to dinner on ray's and my anniversary.. *sigh*
blah.. anyway.. my dad got the new mustang.. blah blah
this is my car www.geocities.com/imasuicidalbunny/audi.html
and if you click on the link on that page that says "to the mustang" it will take you to my dad's car.. yep..
comment if you like :)
uhm.. yeah.. that's all for now since i cant really think of anything more to say except
I LOVE RAY SO MUCH!!!
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Monday, January 6th, 2003
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7:48 pm
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You almost always pick the best times
to drop the worst lines
you almost made me cry again this time
another false alarm
red flashing lights
well this time I'm not going to watch myself die
I think I made it a game to play your game
and let myself cry
I buried myself alive on the inside
so I could shut you out
and let you go away for a long time
I guess it's ok I puked the day away
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way
and if you want me back
you're gonna have to ask
nicer than that
Go to the link.. read it all.
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Friday, January 3rd, 2003
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10:12 am
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Yesterday was my birthday.. Ray came over at about 7 and we went to dinner and yeah.. that was pretty much all i did yesterday. Ray gave me Invader zim stickers (gir and gaz :)) and a doll (gir w/out costume) whee yeah.. i got these messages on aim...
eYeLeSsRoCkEr: happy birthday reckle.
OhSerenaIsaLAGrl: HAPPY BDAY RACHIE!
caetlynnisadirk: HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL!!!!!!
the NumberYellow: HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHIE!!!!!!!!!!! :-D!
XstArXsucKerX: Happy birthday.
Loosinit2nite: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAY LAZY FACE
oolextasyoo: UGGA BUGGAA!
Hermie Pupet Man: my dick hurts
haha.. actually i got that one today.. but still..
current mood:  blah
current music: ~*silence*~
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Monday, December 30th, 2002
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8:44 pm
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i just got back from alabama hence the country music. I feel really sad.. i just felt so alone in that airport after i went through security.. i didnt have anyone.. and i miss ray so much.. you know he's the only one i can really cry in front of.. i couldnt stop crying.. i hid my face in the sleves of my hoodie and sat waiting for the plane to board. I cried so hard. I was real quiet though.. its not that i miss everyone that made me cry.. i just never can.. you've gotta cry sometimes ya know? sometimes even for no reason.. the only time i really ever cry is when ray is there.. and its not because of him.. just because it makes me feel so much better to get the shit out and then i have him to hold me and make me feel better... god i feel like crying now but i want to talk to ray.. i hate crying in front of him too because then he cries too.. maybe he needs it too? maybe i'm just a little too emo if i'm actually crying over nothing.. i'm crying now.. just a little though.. i want ray to call me.. i wonder when he'll be home.. i'd go in my room now and watch my new tv (*grin*) but my dad is in there messing with my stereo.. I'm tired.. and i feel like i'm going to puke and my head hurts.. i think i'm going to get away from this computer.. man, i cant wait to see ray.. i miss him so much, and i havent seen him in over a week.. RAYYYYYYYY come see me.. *sigh* well i'm out for now.. maybe i'll talk about the trip later... but probably not because i'm lazy.. see ya
current mood:  sick
current music: Dixie Chicks- Travelin' Soldier
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iheartray's journal